


Losing My Mind

by TheNameIsBritney



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Jealousy, Karaoke, Karolsen if you squint?, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Sanvers, Unrequited Crush, Winn sings, Winn thinks it's unrequited but that may not be so accurate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 09:44:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8573500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNameIsBritney/pseuds/TheNameIsBritney
Summary: Winn sings his feelings and perhaps Mon-el is not as clueless as he thought.





	

They were at lunch when it happened, Winn, Mon-el, Alex, Maggie, Kara, and James. Winn was trying to keep his gaze off of the taller Daxamite by instead looking down at his lunch, barely registering the conversation that was happening. 

 

Ever since Mon-el had landed on Earth a few months ago, Winn had felt...strange. Winn had known he was bi since High school when Jeremy Fischer led him to the dark auditorium one late Wednesday afternoon and, well, the rest was history. But when Winn was around Mon-el it certainly felt different than anything he’d ever felt before with a man or a woman.

 

Winn looked up to sneak a glance at Mon who was sitting across from him and was surprised when their eyes met. Winn looked away quickly in favour of looking at Kara who was sitting next to him, talking about...something rather enthusiastically. He had to be honest, he hadn’t been paying attention.

 

“And it would be so fun! Just all of us bonding together, having a couple drinks? C’mon guys, karaoke would be so much fun!” 

 

Karaoke?

 

“I’m sorry...Kara, you lost me.” Winn said confusedly, “Karaoke? Since when did any of us sing?”

 

Kara cocked her head to the side and looked around at her friends who looked equally as confused. “Well...I don’t know. It just seemed like a good idea.”

 

WInn noticed that Mon-el looked the most perplexed out of the group, eyebrows furrowed in that stupid, adorable way they did when he was confused about Earth terminology. 

 

“K-Kara-okie? Is that like...a game that Kara invented?” Mon asked, looking to Winn for help. Winn had become somewhat of his best friend on earth. The man was always patient with him and willing to explain strange phrases and customs to him whenever he asked. He was pretty cute too and that definitely didn’t hurt. 

 

“Karaoke! It’s basically a bar where people go to sing in front of a crowd and have a couple of drinks. It’s really fun!” Kara said enthusiastically, “I went once in high school with friends. C’mon, you guys, it’ll be so great!” 

 

“I don’t know, Kara, none of us really sing…” James said reluctantly, huffing out a quiet laugh. “It sounds fun though. I’m down.” Kara gave James a shy, thankful smile and looked around at the rest of her friends. 

 

Alex and Maggie shared a look and both shrugged. “I’ll go if I get to hear Alex sing.” 

 

Alex’s eyes went wide and her face went pink. “Oh, no…” 

 

Winn had zoned out of the conversation once again, feeling more and more distant than ever. It wasn’t until he realised that the table had gone silent when he managed to snap back into attention.

 

“Winn?” Kara asked, eyebrows furrowed. “You okay?”

 

Winn managed a smile and nodded. “Yeah, fine! I just don’t know if I can make it to karaoke night, that’s all.” Winn briefly met Mon-el’s eyes and was surprised to see the alien looked disappointed. 

 

“But it’ll be my first time doing k-kar...that. I’d want you to be there.” Mon-el said innocently, eyes wide like a homeless puppy just begging to be brought home. 

 

Winn caved. 

 

“Okay! I’ll go, just don’t expect me to sing!” Winn decided that this was a good decision. He loved spending time with his friends.

 

And if Winn’s heart beat just a little bit faster upon seeing Mon-el’s blinding grin, well, he didn’t tell anyone.

 

* * *

 

This was a horrible idea.

 

Karaoke night with the superfriends was well and truly underway at this point, everyone was a couple of drinks down except for Winn and Kara. Winn because he prefered not to get too sloppy, lest we forget Mon-el’s first experience outside with Winn, and Kara because she simply couldn’t get drunk.

 

Kara had finished her song, ending with a flourish and a bow, her curls bouncing as she bounded off the stage and ran towards her friends. They all began chattering about how good her song was but all Winn could focus on was Mon-el, his eyes locked on some tall blonde in the corner. Of course. 

 

Winn decided he wasn’t going to let this ruin his night. He shook his head free of any jealous thoughts and looked at Kara, bumping her shoulder gently. “Kara, I had no idea you had a voice like that!” Kara blushed and shrugged.

 

“You know what, Winn? All of us have sang tonight except for you. Even Alex sang.” Alex looked up from her drink and nodded.

 

“It took a shot of tequila but I did it. It’s your turn now, Schott.” 

 

Winn looked at his friends who were looking at him expectantly. He wasn’t really much of a performer but he did love music and musical theatre. It wouldn’t hurt to perform just this once and he definitely wouldn’t be the worst singer in the bar, not after the tall burly lumberjack who tried to sing Toxic a few singers ago. 

 

Maybe if he sang out his emotions, they would go away. It was a long shot...but Winn had to try.

 

After much teasing from his friends, and a contemplative look from Mon-el, Winn stood up and walked over to the booth, signing up to sing next and scrolling through the song selection. He found the perfect song and looked back at the table at where his friends were all talking happily amongst themselves. He watched happily until he realised that Mon was missing.

 

Winn looked around the bar for the Daxamite and was disappointed in what he saw. He was with the leggy blonde, of course he was. Winn looked away and hopped up on stage once it was his turn. It was now or never. 

 

He looked out at the people looking up at him and tried to feign a small smile for Kara, James, Alex, and Maggie, deliberately avoiding looking in Mon-el’s direction.

 

He took a deep breath and opened his mouth.

 

“ _ The sun comes up, I think about you. The coffee cup, I think about you. I want you so it’s like I’m losing my mind… _ ” Winn closed his eyes and let his voice float out gently amongst the, now hushed crowd. 

 

He thought of the previous few mornings, staying in bed for just a few minutes longer as he soaked up the loneliness in felt before heading off for another action packed day at the DEO. He thought of when he drank his coffee in the mornings, the dark brown liquid resembling a certain alien’s hair almost perfectly. 

 

“ _ The morning ends, I think about you. I talk to friends and think about you. And do they know? It’s like I’m losing my mind. _ ” Of course this wasn’t true. He couldn’t talk to anyone about his crush on Mon. Not because he was ashamed but because of how purely...implausible it was. Mon-el was way out of his league and he was sure everyone thought so. He opened his eyes and saw every pair of eyes in the bar staring at him, including Mon’s.

 

Winn swallowed nervously and took a deep breath before launching into the next verse. “ _ All afternoon doing every little chore, the thought of you stays bright. Sometimes I stand in the middle of the floor, not going left. Not going right. _ ” He looked down at his feet as he sang, trying to let out all of his emotions in his performance. After this, his crush would surely calm down, right? It had to. 

As Winn continued to sing, Kara and James looked at each other inquisitively, seeing how Mon-el and Winn had locked eyes briefly.. Both had been busy with James’ new position at Catco. And Kara saving the city every day. How hadn’t they noticed that Winn was in love with Mon-el?

 

“ _ I want you so it’s like I’m losing my mind. _ ” Winn’s voice built up slowly into a belt as he sang the last few verses, eyes screwed shut and hand firmly gripping the microphone, as if he would fall if he didn’t have it to anchor him. 

 

He thought about every time Mon touched him and how each time left a slight imprint on his heart. He thought of how Kara had told him about Mon-el’s jaunt with Eve Tessmacher and how it made his heart clench inside knowing Mon-el was unavailable, though he wasn’t really surprised if he was being honest. He also thought about the friendship that the two had built over many training sessions alone together. 

 

Winn opened his eyes as he let out the final note, catching Mon-el’s confused and slightly saddened gaze. The song ended and Winn said a quiet ‘thanks’ before storming off the stage and running back to his table. 

 

“Winn…” Kara said quietly.

 

“I have to go, I forgot, um...I have to do some work on your suit.” Winn said quietly, throwing a few bills on the table to cover his drinks before running out of the bar, trying hard to control his emotions until he reached his apartment. 

 

“Aren’t one of you going to go after him?” Maggie asked. She would never admit it but she had been moved by the performance too, even though she didn’t know Winn that well. She looked at Alex and looked away quickly, choosing to focus on Kara and James. 

 

“I think he just wants to be alone right now. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.” Kara said softly. 

 

Mon-el left the blonde girl as soon as he saw Winn storm out and walked back over to his friends table. “Guys, where did Winn go? Is he okay?”

 

No one could answer him because they didn’t know themselves. 

 

* * *

 

Thankfully, the next day was a Saturday so Winn didn’t have to go into the DEO. He could sit wallowing in self pity in his apartment with only his cat, Darth, to comfort him. He laid back on his bed and covered his face with his blanket, replaying last night in his mind over and over again. 

 

He’d turned off his phone the minute he left the karaoke bar and gotten a cab back to his place, allowing a tear to slowly drip down his face as he leant back in the car seat and closed his eyes. He wouldn’t be able to face work on Monday, not after that display. Everyone surely knew by now. He would be a laughing stock of the DEO for sure.

 

Groaning in frustration, Winn gently shooed his cat off of his chest where he was lying and got up, ignoring the phone lying innocently on his nightstand. He didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. 

 

Just as Winn was stepping out of the shower, beginning to feel slightly better, he heard the door knock. Just what he needed, an unexpected visitor. 

 

Winn contemplated pretending he wasn’t home but that wasn’t an option. It was 9:00am on a Saturday, no one would’ve left the house that early. Winn walked over to the door and looked through the peephole, seeing Kara standing there, arms crossed and brow furrowed in concern.

 

“Winn, open the door. I can see you in there! We need to talk.”

 

Winn thought about ignoring Kara but he knew she could just fly over the building and land on his balcony so that would’ve been useless. He slumped over to the door and opened it slowly. 

 

“Hi.” 

 

Kara looked relieved when she saw Winn was okay and walked into his apartment, arms outstretched as she pulled Winn in for a hug. “How are you doing?”

 

“I’ve certainly had better days.” Winn tried to joke, returning the hug briefly before pulling away and flopping onto his couch. “Look, about last night. I really don’t want to talk about it.” 

 

Kara stood beside Winn and crossed her arms, her eyes and face set in her ‘We are going to talk and you are going to like it’ mode. Winn couldn’t help but tell her everything. 

 

He told her about how when Mon-el first landed it was nothing but something cool to do, just like it had been when he first discovered Kara had powers or when he met Barry Allen. He also told Kara about their ‘bro date’ on Halloween where Winn had gotten shitfaced and Mon-el had escorted him home, Winn leaning on him the entire way just breathing in his scent. 

 

He told Kara about how Mon made him feel whenever he looked at him, touched him, smiled at him. Soon enough, Winn became more and more relaxed, talking about Mon-el until it was well past 11:30am. Kara was simply smiling fondly at her best friend.

 

“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?” 

 

Winn scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I can’t just...he’s so...I just can’t!” Winn exclaimed, scaring his cat in the process. Kara raised her eyebrows.

 

“Well why not?”

 

“Because I don’t want things to end up the way they did between you and me!” Winn said finally, “Because I...We’re cool now and I don’t have those feelings for you anymore but that time in our lives was really weird. Mon and I are friends. What if I tell him i have feelings for him and he rejects me? What if he gets all weird about it? I don’t even know if he likes guys.”

 

Kara shook her head. “Don’t worry about that, Daxamites are known for their...promiscuous ways. They tend to not see gender as an issue.” Kara sat down next to Winn and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “Winn, just tell him. And if he acts weird about it then...I’ll send him back to space where he came from. We’re all here for you.” 

 

Winn nodded and smiled thankfully at Kara. He may not have been the most lucky when it came to love but in terms of friendship, he was the luckiest man alive. 

 

* * *

 

Monday morning came and Winn walked into the DEO, nervously playing with the buttons on his cardigan as he searched for Mon, hoping a little bit that he wasn’t in today.

 

He saw Alex smiling at her phone and walked over to his desk slowly. “Morning.” 

 

Alex looked up at him and smiled at Winn awkwardly. “Morning. You uh...You doing alright? You seemed upset on Friday.” Winn nodded and sat back in his chair. 

 

“I’m fine. Kara actually talked me through some stuff so I’m good. How are you?” 

 

Alex grinned and a light pink blush rose on her face as she began talking about Maggie and what had happened after Winn left. It wasn’t much but all signs pointed to Maggie wanting to be with Alex. 

 

Winn couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous as Alex talked about how Maggie had brushed against her hand as he sang, their eyes meeting. He was happy for Alex though. She deserved happiness. 

 

“I’m happy for you guys, Alex.” He said softly. The tenderness in his voice surprised them both and Winn quickly turned to his computer screen to view his schedule for the day.

 

9:30 - 11:30, Strength training with Mon-el. Shit. 

 

Winn sighed and stood up, grabbing his tablet and walking to the training room slowly. He was trying to put as much time between now and meeting Mon-el as possible. He wasn’t sure he wanted to face the other man.

 

Winn stepped into the training room and sighed in relief when he saw it was empty. He allowed himself to relax but not for long. The second Winn put the tablet down, he felt someone speeding up behind him and hugging him tightly. Someone taller, muscular, and someone who smelt delicious. 

 

Winn opened his eyes in confusion when he realised exactly who was hugging him. It was Mon-el.

 

“Mon? What are you doing?” 

 

“Kara told me this is how to comfort someone who’s upset so that’s what I’m doing. You seemed upset on Friday when we were at the singing place. I don’t know why, you sang beautifully.” 

 

Winn blushed at the compliment and let himself hold the hug for a moment longer before pulling away reluctantly, turning his back on Mon-el and pretending to look at his vitals. “Nothing, I’m fine. Just...had some stuff to think about.” 

 

“Like what?” 

 

Winn was startled when Mon-el’s voice landed right next to his ear. He turned around and was surprised to see the alien crowding his personal space, pressing him against the control desk. “I-I...um...It’s personal!” The more Winn babbled, the closer Mon-el seemed to be getting. 

 

“D-Did Kara say something to you? Because this seems like it’s coming out of left field.”

 

Mon-el looked confused at the saying but brushed it aside. He could ask about that later. “No, Kara didn’t say anything. However, I’m a stranger to this planet but I’m not blind. I know what you were singing about.” 

 

All possibility of a response left Winn’s throat when Mon said that, his throat drying up and his eyes growing wide. 

 

“Y-Y-You do? What? That’s...no...that song didn’t...I just liked...No!” Winn tried to cover up for himself, looking everywhere but at the Daxamite who was now standing less than six inches away from him. Mon-el simply smiled. 

 

“Winn, why don’t you just...chillax.” Mon said, his arms coming to rest on the table behind Winn, either side of his hips. “And just for the record, I think about you too.” 

 

Winn’s mouth dropped into an ‘O’ of surprise before he felt a pair of soft lips meeting his own. His eyes closed and his arms came up to rest on the taller man’s biceps, kissing back after the initial shock wore off. 

 

Maybe Winn wasn’t really losing his mind after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> Just a shitty fic I wrote at like 1am when I was binge watching videos of Jeremy Jordan singing on youtube. 
> 
> This is based mainly off of Jeremy Jordan singing Losing my Mind from Follies. I thought how could this not be a Monwinn song? 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoZVxPTvGp4 It's here if y'all wanna watch it <3
> 
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated! And a sure fire way to get more oneshots if you want them!
> 
> \- Brit xx


End file.
